I was an English major in college. I love literature. Truly. Something that English majors discuss ad nauseum are literary devices. There are approximately 1398756 different kinds of literary devices, but one that I have been extra aware of after moving to Ukraine is the Fall of the Hero. Aeneas. Oedipus. Pretty much any primary character in Shakespearean tragedies: Hamlet, Romeo, Julius Caesar. The pattern is often that they have attained something, have earned some level of pride, and then have a fall. Keyword: pride. If you'd like a way to remove any pride issues from your life, may I suggest moving to Ukraine?
Here are a few of the great "opportunities" I've had to help beat the pride right out of me:
1. Going to the grocery store. I frequently get yelled at for not having exact change or for being slow on the uptake when they ask me a question about my purchase. Let me paint this picture for you: she asks me while her head is bent down and while she is not even really opening her mouth to enunciate. I usually have to ask her to repeat, at which point she fixes me with an incredibly annoyed face and raises her voice to a yell (at which point she attracts the attention of everyone in a 10 ft radius). A humiliating moment.
2. Riding the bus. The humbling part actually starts before I get on the bus. I spend much more time than anyone else, craning my neck and staring at the signs on the buses to make sure I catch the right one. Then, I spend many bus rides trying to sift through the various grumbles and complaints sent my way for sitting in the wrong place or not moving out of the way fast enough. I'm 24 years old...I should be able to get from one place to another without making 17 people mad, right? Wounded pride.
3. Going to church. This is horrible, I know. But please imagine that you go to church- somewhere that's supposed to be full of rejuvenation and encouragement- and you bumble through every conversation you try to have with everyone. You watch each person you talk to put on a very patient, bless-her-heart-she-can't-get-a-completely-correct-sentence-out kind of look. On top of that, you can't understand very many complete thoughts during the sermon because a) it's too fast or b) the pastor is preaching in Ukrainian and you study Russian. Very humbling.
I can't think of a single area of my life where my pride hasn't been bruised since moving here. I never realized how terribly much I think of myself and my abilities. I never knew how much I took for granted: being able to read (and immediately understand) instructional signs, knowing what everyone around me is saying, understanding how systems (transportation, post office, legal offices) work, or even that you're not supposed to get your own ice cream cone out of the freezer in the convenience store.
All the moments of humiliation and embarassment, all the times that I've wanted to cry with frustration at my struggles with learning Russian, all of the situations in which I've wanted to yell at any Ukrainian who crossed me have taught me more about my God. In "my" culture- the one where I know how to do things- I don't need Him as much. I pretty much never find myself praying that the Lord would just inspire me with the basic ability to call my landlord and tell him the electricity is out. I just go to the breaker and fix it. I don't ask Him to "pleasepleaseplease bring the bus I need or I might dissolve into a puddle of tears." Here, though, my communication line with Him is always on red alert. I'm constantly depending on Him, and shockingly enough, I'm seeing His great and mighty power to direct my steps and answer my prayers- in His timing.
I'm not crazy about the learning process, but I am thankful for this time of refinement. Heaven knows that I'm completely worthless in this society. But I hold to this as my encouragement:
"Now to Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy- to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power, and authority through Jesus Christ our Lord before all ages now and forevermore." Jude 24-25
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6 comments:
Philippians 1:6 comes to mind: He who began a good work in you will complete it... Tough lessons but you are a willing and submissive student. Praying for you,
With love,
Karen Tidwell
Erin, I enjoy the virtual visits to Poltava that your blog provides. Early next year I will again be in Poltava leading an EFL team. We would very much like to coordinate with you. You can get my email address from Andrey.
As usual, I read Oswald first, Spurgy next and then went to check for an update. Oswald was instructive. Spurgy encouraged. Dearest Erin challenged me to be vigilant in my dependence on Him in every thing. Thank you for being transparent with a watching world. You are my favorite brunette daughter!
Thanks for the reminder that Our God wants all of us, even in the most mundane of daily circumstances, to trust in Him.
You are chosen for this time. His investment in you will bring Him the greatest of blessing; and you too will be blessed!!
I love you sweety! Hang in there!
God certainly has a way of giving us just want we need - whether we want it or not! Oh, Erin, there is no doubt that your experiences these two years will change your life forever and in so many ways you may never know. We continue to pray for you and your work. Love you girl!
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